The assignment:

Flaws

List five personality flaws you see in yourself.

Pick a flaw. Then, give this flaw to a fictional character, who may or may not be similar to yourself. Show the flaw in action.

Only show me the last part, the flaw in action. You don’t even have to state the flaw if you don’t think you need to. Maybe try not to. Just show it in action.

And keep it under 500 words, as always.

My submission:

Carol took a deep breath and started the familiar litany of logic.

“One. I am a strong swimmer. Two. There is nothing in this lake that will do me harm. Three. I trust Duncan to be a safe driver and not try scare the crap out of me.”

She wished she understood where her paralyzing fear of boats had originated. Perhaps it was just a lack of exposure. Carol truly couldn’t remember a time during her childhood where she’d been on a boat smaller than a ferry. She had floated down the river on an inner tube many times. She sighed with nostalgic happiness thinking about the lazy feeling of limbs draped across sun-scalded rubber. Once you found your spot, you didn’t dare move for fear of sizzling your flesh on any part of the inner tube that hadn’t been shaded by thigh or arm for the prior hour.

The dock she was standing on swayed lightly as a boat sped by with no regard for the 5 m.p.h. signs posted along the thoroughfare. Even that slight rocking made her stomach twist. What was she thinking?

What she really hoped for was a reasonable explanation. Logic was something she could get behind and not feel foolish about. It was one thing to tell people that she was convinced this fresh water lake was peppered with fish on the verge of a feeding frenzy that included human flesh. Quite another to be able to say she had been on a boat when it flipped, tossing her into the water when she was very young and her swimming skills were sub-par.

Yup. She was afraid of the damn fish in the lake that were going to eat her toes. And she was afraid of getting thrown out of the boat only to encounter the sealife that could only be experienced through the imagery your brain translated from the muck and greenery felt by your toes.

The arrival of her friends was actually welcome as it pulled her thoughts back to reality and away from the bizarre, nightmarish world she had been creating. Well, it was appreciated for about ten seconds before she remembered why they were arriving. They were going to have “fun.” Her body began to tremble lightly as she finally got a look at the boat she was supposed to go out in. It was positively tiny! She could not believe that small craft would be considered sea worthy. Plus, how were they supposed to fit four bodies, their gear and the cooler of beverages? Someone was going to end up overboard. Probably her.

With a resolve she didn’t truly feel, she made that unsteady step from dock to boat. She smiled weakly at her friends as she found her place on the metal bench spanning the middle of the boat. Gripping the rail along the edge, she squeaked, “Alright! Let’s have some fun!”

The assignment:

Five Things

Think over your week and jot down five things that might serve as inspiration for a work of fiction— a news report, people you ran into or observed, emotions, thoughts, situations. Nothing is too big or small.

Pick the idea you like best and jot down some elements of this thing that could be useful in a story.  Then write just the first 500 words of the beginning of that story.

My submission:

1)   A woman sitting on the far end of a beach wall with her feet dangling on the water. At this end a wedding is taking place.

2)   A “pool boy” at a high end resort in Hawaii keeping track of a myriad of customers while being charismatic and friendly to each one.

3)   A nanny who is shared between multiple families who are all friends. What stories does she hear and what does she think of their homes and parenting?

4)   Checking a missing person’s website on a whim and realizing you were kidnapped at an early age.

5)   A mom sitting at the dining room table surveying her messy house and trying to decide if it’s worth it.

“I object,” Becky mumbled to herself. Her toes played lightly in the water as she swung her legs back and forth. She took a deep breath of the salty air, a scent she usually found calming. The sunlight caught the ocean just so and Becky found herself squinting into the waves. She glanced away only to catch sight of the scene she had been avoiding. The simple white dress blowing in the breeze. The gorgeous flower leis resting on their shoulders. The Hawaiian-shirted officiate sharing words of love and longevity. From her perch on the sea wall, she could just make out their happy smiles. “Lies. Happy, stupid lies.” Her vision blurred as tears threatened to take over. She wasn’t quite sure who she was talking to – Harry or herself.

Becky and Harry met several years prior at a small coffee shop along the Kihei strip. Neither was native to Hawaii, but both had found adjusting to the laid-back lifestyle an easy transition. Harry had moved from Seattle and had a wealth of coffee-making experience, so she had quickly risen to lead barista and trainer for the shop. When Becky came on, she was nervous about making a cup of coffee that required more effort than loading up a filter with grounds and letting gravity do the rest.

“OK, let me show you what your shot should taste like. Take a sip of this and notice how the flavor of the espresso spreads across your entire tongue hitting every taste bud. A great pull will result in that all-over, smooth coffee taste in your mouth.”

It was obvious Harry took great pride in her coffee. Becky had never met someone who spoke of a shot of espresso as an art form and not just a way to get a caffeine hit.

“We won’t even touch on creating the perfect foam until I’m confident you can pull a consistent shot. I promise, though, if you listen to everything I tell you and just go for it, you’ll pick this up quickly. I’m a good teacher.” Harry punctuated her statement with a wink. Becky felt herself blush from head to toe. How embarrassing! Becky knew that most of the thoughts in her head had nothing to do with coffee, but that was no reason to let Harry in on the secret.

Try as she might to focus on pulling a shot that produced “rat tails” and getting just the right ratio of crema, Becky found Harry to be positively luscious and distracting. Becky had yet to try surfing, but Harry was a prime example of what regularly riding the waves would do for your body. Her legs were strong and tan. Her abs were obviously strong without being wiry. She had just enough padding on her body to accentuate that, while slight, she was a woman and not a girl. Becky was enamored, but this wasn’t the way to start her first day on the job.

Two times during this class, I will submit my writing to be critiqued by my fellow students as well as my instructor. I submitted this late as I was stuck on where to go next. I figured it was better to give them something incomplete than to put something in I didn’t really like. I have an idea where this is going to go, but I just couldn’t make it come together in time for the submission. I hope to revise and submit for my second critique in a few weeks.

This is a picture book, although it’s incomplete. I’ve decided that staring at it isn’t helping me, so I’m passing it along to you for feedback. I look forward to your ideas!

—

It was Spring Cleaning Day! The day when all of Colin’s family – aunts, uncles and cousins – gathered at Nana and Papa’s house to clean and talk. Mostly, they talked.

Colin wished he could have more fun, but he found dusting and mopping and packing up winter things to be so boring! Whenever he heard them handing out another job to the cousins, he would run to hide so he wouldn’t get stuck with a rag or a broom.

He was pretty nervous when his mom finally cornered him and told him she had a special task for him. Much to his delight, his mom gave him the important job of taking a box up to the attic.

As he climbed the springy, fold-down ladder into the crowded, dusty attic, Colin was overwhelmed by all the stuff! There were boxes and crates and chests and piles of treasures everywhere he looked.

He spied a really neat chest with a strange, furry thing sticking out of it. It looked kind of like an animal, but he didn’t think it was moving.

There was only one way to find out. Colin creeped over to the chest and with as much bravery as he could find, he flipped it open!

Inside were coats. So many coats that Colin wasn’t even sure he could count that high. Right on top was a mink stole made out of four small minks with their black eyes winking at him. He quickly threw it as far away as he could because it made his skin crawl.

Underneath, he found a fishing vest.
He put it on and started looking in the pockets. He found a rubber worm. He found a bit of fishing line. He found something squishy and decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

Next, he tried on a black coat with long flaps.
He looked so fancy in this nifty coat. He found a hat and cane that went with it and started to dance. Tripping over the very long coat, he decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

Oh look! There’s a giant, yellow, rubber slicker!
He had a book about a bear that wore a coat like that. He tried to put it on but got lost somewhere in the middle of all that smelly rubber. He decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

Under the slicker, he found a warm, wooly sweater.
He pulled it over his head which made his yellow hair stand on end like when he rode down the tube slides at the park. The sweater smelled funny and made his nose itch. He decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

He pulled out something that looked like a rug.
After inspecting the rug, he realized there was a hole he could stick his head through. He looked like that gunslinger he’d seen on that old TV western. Pow! Pow! But the not-rug was so itchy, he decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

There was a snow coat that looked just like the one he wore last winter.
He shoved his arms through the sleeves. They barely fit, and left his arms sticking straight out to the sides. He hopped around trying to get the coat over his shoulders so he could put his arms down. He realized this WAS his coat from last winter. He decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

He was so excited when he found a black, leather jacket.
He pulled it over his shoulders and started to growl and snarl like he thought a tough biker dude might do. He quickly became sweaty in the heavy jacket and decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

Folded neatly in the chest, he found a blue coat with gold on the shoulders and bright, shiny buttons.
He gently unfolded it and tried it on. He could remember a photograph of his Papa wearing this coat. He looked so brave and strong. Colin folded the coat back up the best he could. He knew it was very special and decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

He found a corner of velvet and started to pull.
He pulled and pulled and pulled until finally he was able to put on an amazing and enormous cape. He imagined himself performing magic tricks, but he couldn’t find his way through the miles and miles of fabric. He decided this wasn’t the coat for him.

Finally, he had reached the bottom of the chest of coats. Or at least he thought he had. For fun, he decided to climb in and discovered something puffy along the bottom.
He picked up the puffy lump and held it up in the light. It was pink and green and brown and looked like an army man. It was the coolest coat he’d ever seen! And… it fit! This was the coat for him!

The assignment:

You have two choices this week.

1. If you want to work on general dialogue skills, and you want to practice the mechanics of writing an action scene using dialogue, choose the following exercise.

Write a scene in which two or more characters are holding a conversation. Through the course of their conversation, the characters should either solve a problem, engage in a conflict, or establish a plan of action.

2. If you feel pretty confident about writing dialogue, and want to practice making your dialogue crisp and natural sounding, try the following:

Write a dialogue in which every exchange is only two words or less.

My submission:

Jenny and Mindy came bursting in from the backyard where they had been playing in the hot sun.

“Mom, can I have a popsicle?” Jenny asked.

“Ooh! I want one, too,” said Mindy.

“Wow! You guys are sweaty monkeys! Sure, you can both have a popsicle. Just take them outside, OK? I don’t want you dripping in the house.”

Jenny opened the freezer, reached in and pulled out a red popsicle. “Yum! Cherry is my favorite!”

Mindy reached in to get her own and pulled out an empty popsicle box. “That was the last one. I want that one. Give it to me!”

Jenny tried to hide the plastic-wrapped treat behind her back and run for the door.

“MOOOOOOM!! Jenny just stole the last popsicle. That’s no fair!”

“Jenny. Mindy. You have a choice – either split the popsicle or no one gets it.”

Jenny clutched the package tightly. “I don’t want to share. I’ve been running way more than Mindy. I should get it just because I’m way sweatier than she is.”

“Hah! That’s just dumb. You are not sweatier than me. I’m the sweatiest ever!” Mindy tried to rub her forehead on Jenny’s arm.

“You’re the grossest ever. Mom! Mindy is being disgusting. Can I have the whole popsicle since she’s being so gross?”

“Girls, share it or forget it. The longer you take to decide, the more melted that popsicle is going to get.” Their mom left the room, leaving the girls to decide on their own.

Mindy started dancing around Jenny trying to grab the treat. “Gimme! Gimme! You have to share!”

“Fine. You can have a bite of my popsicle.”

“No fair! I get half. Mom said you had to split.”

Jenny rolled her eyes and tried to split the popsicle inside the bag like her mom always did. The popsicle slid around but didn’t break.

“I can’t get it to break. We can take turns having bites.”

“Ew! No way. I’ll get Jenny-cooties.”

“Go get Mom and we can have her break it.”

“I’m not leaving you here alone with the popsicle. You’ll eat it while I’m gone.”

“Mom, come help us,” Jenny yelled.

Both girls waited expectantly for their mom to come back to help them. Nothing happened.

“What if you hit it on the counter? Maybe it’d split then?”

Rolling her eyes again, Jenny replied, “Don’t you know anything? That’ll just break it all to pieces. Do you want to eat it with your fingers?”

Mindy scratched her ear and thought. Jenny stared at the popsicle in her hand and started to get worried that all they’d get to share was a puddle of cherry water.

“I know! Stab it with something,” Mindy suggested.

“We’re not allowed to use the knives. What do you want me to stab it with?”

“Uhm… a fork, maybe?”

Jenny thought it was a silly idea, but she didn’t know what else to do. She grabbed a fork from the drawer and started to stab down the spine of the popsicle. Suddenly, the popsicle split into two pieces.

“Yay, you did it!” said Mindy, clapping and jumping around.

Jenny opened the bag and handed Mindy her half. Ignoring the sticky feeling of melted popsicle syrup on the sticks, the two girls happily walked outside to enjoy their shared treat.